In this post I am going to share with you my top five tips for how to parent a teenager. I’ve spoken to and worked with over 20,000 teens all over the world. So I know the principles and techniques that work if you want to get through to your teens. If you apply the tips in this post, you’ll be on your way to raising responsible and respectful teens. Your relationship with your teens will also become stronger. Let’s jump right in.
Tip 1: Parent your teens such that they will want to ask for your advice.
Having worked with teens for over a decade, I’ve discovered that the approach that works best for parents of teens is this: parent in a way that your teens will voluntarily ask for your advice when they face obstacles or big decisions. If you have this kind of relationship with your teens, they’re likely to be respectful and responsible, and they’re likely to be preparing well for the future too.
Those are exactly the types of goals that most parents have. If you’re continually nagging, scolding, and criticizing your teens, will they want to ask you for advice when it comes to big decisions? Probably not. So what should you do if you want your teens to come to you for advice? That’s what we’ll talk about in the rest of this video.
Tip 2: Keep the lines of communication open.
Most parents tell me that their teens don’t share much with them. Their teens often keep to themselves, and they don’t talk about what’s bothering them. Why is it so common that teens don’t communicate much with their parents? Of course, one reason is that teens are developing their sense of identity apart from their parents. So they want to have a greater sense of independence and autonomy. But this isn’t the main reason.
The main reason many teens don’t share much with their parents is that the home environment is emotionally unsafe. Many teenagers feel as if they can be lectured or blamed or reprimanded by their parents at almost any time when they’re at home. So they withdraw emotionally and stay in their room as much as they can, because that’s where they are least likely to receive some kind of negative comment.
To keep the lines of communication open, your teens must know that they can come to you with their problems and frustrations without you overreacting or jumping to conclusions. Here are some quick tips to create an emotionally safe home environment for your teens: listen more, speak less; don’t lecture, but if you feel like you must lecture your teens, keep it short and do it in private; ask for your teens’ opinion; don’t interrupt your teens when they’re talking; speak to them respectfully; don’t provide unsolicited advice, especially in situations where your teens are mainly looking for empathy. If you do these things, your teens will almost definitely start to open up. Keep in mind that the approach that works with teens is when you do more connecting and less criticizing, more coaching and less controlling.
Tip 3: Dare to be vulnerable.
Today’s teens tend to place a lot of emphasis on authenticity. They want companies, celebrities, influencers, friends, and family to be authentic. They want others to keep it real. Even more so than previous generations, if they think someone is being hypocritical, they’ll lose respect for that person fast. This is why it’s crucial that you dare to be vulnerable with your teens. I’m not asking you to tell your teens about all your deepest and darkest secrets. But I encourage you to share with them the mistakes you’ve made and the setbacks you’ve experienced. Tell them about the times you felt disappointed or discouraged. Explain to them what you learned through the process of overcoming those challenges. When you open up to your teenagers, it will make them feel more comfortable about sharing their struggles and frustrations with you.
Here’s another important tip: apologize to your teens when you’ve made a mistake.
Many of the teenagers I have talked to have shared with me that their parents never apologize, even if it’s obvious that they’ve made a mistake. As a result, these teenagers have lost respect for their parents, and they harbor resentment and anger toward their parents. I’m sure you don’t want this to be the case in your home, so don’t be too proud to admit it when you realize you’re in the wrong. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, and your teens figured out years ago that you aren’t a perfect parent. By demonstrating humility, your teenagers will be more likely to follow your example. They’ll respect you more, and your relationship with them will improve.
Leadership expert Craig Groeschel once said, “People would rather follow a leader who is always real rather than a leader who is always right.” To modify this quote, I’d say this, teens would rather listen to a parent who is always real rather than a parent who is always right. If you’re finding the tips useful so far, please like this video. And please leave a quick comment below to answer this question, What’s your biggest frustration when it comes to parenting your teen?
Tip 4: Have regular meals together as a family.
Many studies have shown that teens benefit greatly from having regular family meals. Teens who have regular meals with their family are less likely to smoke and do drugs, are less likely to be depressed, are less likely to have eating disorders, are more likely to perform well in school, and are more likely to have higher levels of self-esteem. That’s a pretty good list of benefits. And these are just some of the many benefits of eating meals together as a family. I’m sure that you and your teens are busy, so it may not be possible to eat a meal together every day. But aim to have family meals at least three or four times a week. One thing that many of my teenage coaching clients tell me is that they don’t have a fixed dinner time. On some days, dinner is at 6:30 p.m., while on other days dinner is at 7:30 p.m. I may be stating the obvious, but when dinner time is inconsistent, it makes it much less likely that the family will eat together. If dinner is generally at a fixed time each day, all members of the family can plan their activities around this family event.
Tip 5: Avoid using rewards and punishments.
You might be thinking, avoid using rewards and punishments? I thought rewards and punishments are supposed to be great tools to motivate children and teens. Well yes, rewards and punishments usually work in the short term. If you tell your teens that you’ll buy them a new phone if they get an A for the next math test, they’ll probably study harder. And if you tell your teens that you’ll take away their phone if they don’t get an A for the next math test, they’ll probably study harder too. But plenty of research has shown that the more parents use rewards and punishments, the less likely it is that teens will be intrinsically motivated. This means that they might study hard for the math test this time, but when the rewards and punishments are taken away in the future, they’ll be even less motivated to work hard.
This is precisely what happens to many of my teenage coaching clients if their parents frequently use rewards and punishments. At the end of the day, you probably don’t just want your teens to get good grades. You probably want them to love learning, develop intellectual curiosity, and embrace challenges. You probably also want them to embody values like hard work and persistence. These are the types of values that will help your teens to lead meaningful and successful lives. But you can’t instill values in your teens just by using rewards and punishments. And it’s values that matter most in the long run, not just temporary achievements and outcomes.
If you decide not to use rewards and punishments with your teens, rest assured that there are many other effective strategies you can use instead.
Conclusion
In conclusion, parenting teens can be tough yet fulfilling. By following the tips shared in this post, you can build a stronger bond with your teenager and help them grow into responsible, respectful adults. Whether it’s fostering open communication or being willing to show vulnerability, these tips emphasize the importance of truly connecting with your teen.
Moreover, sharing regular family meals and steering clear of strict rewards and punishments are key practices that can have a big impact on your teen’s behavior and well-being.
Parenting is a journey with its ups and downs, but by showing empathy, understanding, and authenticity, you can navigate through it more smoothly. So, embrace these tips, be patient, and strive to be the best parent you can be. Your efforts today will shape the future of your teenager tomorrow. Comment on the comment section and share with us the topics you would love us to write about. Thank you for reading